Wednesday, 30 July 2014

#1 Life

I was always the girl who didn't had any confidence . I used to be so so so insecure about everything ( still am ) . The recent years , like most teenagers , I've been through family problems , friendship problems and obviously heartbreaks . I always needed a guy to be by my side because I was so insecure , I was always lost , I always needed someone to tell me what to do . Every time after a break up , I would be just lost . I wouldn't know what to do , but luckily for me , I have a bunch of friends who would be there for me . They would let me rant , let me cry on their shoulders , be there for me , advice me , love me , take care of me and I'm very blessed to have them in my life . On the other hand , my mom who I've never thought I would share my secrets with was the one who helped me out the most . It was weird telling my mom everything , but it felt so much better after telling her everything and not only that , our relationship got so much better ( just because i used to be a bitch and not listen to my mom ) . So yeah , my advice is talk to your mother ! And you'll be surprised with the advice she can give you .

So recently , I've just went through the hardest time of my life which turned my life upside down . I lost 4-5 kg in less than a week of time . Everyday I would wake up , get a bottle of beer/alcohol and just drink , empty stomached . It was so unhealthy , but I didn't care . At that point , I practically gave up in life and everything . After a few weeks , I've became somewhat normal , I started eating again . But I was still a mess then , no directions nor motivation . I would just rot and whine about everything yet I wasn't doing anything about it . Cry myself to sleep every night , it was horrible especially waking up with my cheeks being wet . It hit me so hard that I didn't even wanted to get back on my feet at all . But , not like I can stay this way forever . So , I took my friend's advice and started living my life again . What happened , still affects me till this day but I'll just have to deal with it .
How I look like during that period ( them eyebags tho )

If you're wondering why am I even telling you about my life story which probably has nothing to do about what this topic is about , obviously after that incident , my confidence has dropped down to hell . Tbh , the first step to gain your confidence is not give a single fuck about what anyone has to say about you . Like seriously , I've a bunch of haters cursing me but like why do I even care about them . It's not wrong for them to talk cock behind my back because obviously EVERYONE does it anyway . But you can choose not to give a shit about it . Last time , on my ( deactivated ) I've received so so so many people talking shits about me and not only that , those haters would write on my friend's too . It felt so bad to know that people actually hated me , I've even cried about it . But now that I think back , their just a bunch of cowards who goes on social media attempting to hurt me . Honestly , if you received ANY stupid questions , just ignore them OR you can just delete your account so they can just screw off and find someone else's life to ruin .

If you're dealing with a break up  ( Skip if you're not ) and you're probably going to feel like your whole life is over . Well you also probably don't give a crap about your confidences but IF you do and you should . How are you going to get better if you don't try ? You should really really REALLY talk to a friend who you can trust so your secrets would be flying everywhere ( because mine did and it sucked cock) . If you just can't find anyone to talk to , you can always come and talk to me . And also , if your ex is acting like a fucking dick , do me a favor and not give a single fuck about him . It's his life , not yours . Because girl , you're not in it anymore so pull yourself together and DONT CARE . If you're feeling bad or mean because you're letting your ex make bad decisions for his life , why do you feel bad ? Did he felt bad when he left you and you were on the edge of dying ? IF you really were to talk to him or advice him , do you think he'll even listen ? Obviously no . He'll probably go around telling people shits about you . There might also be a chance of him scolding you so save yourself from being hurt again . You might say that his different and etc , yeah he's different . He was so different from the person you fell in love with and now , to this person you've never thought he would be . Yes , you love him and you think expressing your love to him will somehow be touched ? Trust me , it does NOT work ever . You can try once , but not twice because if you get hurt the second time , you're counted stupid NOT in love . Why do I know all these ? Because obviously I went through this and I confessed my love for months to him and then what ? I'm lying here on my bed , telling you it doesn't work  . I don't want anyone to feel or go through what I've went through . It just takes time to recover , I'm not going to say that you're going to find someone better because you probably think his the best but if he were really the best , would he leave you ? It's a question that only YOU can answer . But I'm going to guarantee that this horrible feeling of yours will go away . There might be time that you miss him , there might be time when you just want to talk to him so badly so you can fix everything , there will be time when you start crying when you see him with someone new . It's okay , it's okay to cry . Well don't cry to him obviously . Another thing is , if you just can't stop thinking about him , well you don't control what you think . But it will end , one day , you'll start thinking of him and you probably won't feel a single thing because you're used to it . It kind-off means you've already accepted the fact and that's when you should start building your confidence , strengthen your relationship with your family and friends , pay attention to your studies or etc . It might take months or years but keep telling yourself that it will end . If you ever need someone to rant to or anything , you're always welcome to come and look for me . And also NEVER jump into another relationship if you're still not over your ex . I can't stress this enough , why ? Because you might just end up hurting your new boyfriend and yourself . Read this , it'll help :)

If you're insecure with your physical appearance , as I've said above don't care what others think . Yes I admit , I insulted a lot of people because of their physical appearance and I'm sorry if I've ever insulted you . Like most people , I've gotten insulted a lot . I was always insecure about how I look . Recently , I've been wearing makeup much more frequently compare to when I was 15 . So people called me fake , but like why should I care what they say ? Like seriously celebrities or whatever wears 10kg of makeup and did plastic surgeries and look who you're calling fake ? ( I'm not trying to offend anyone but seriously?? ) . If wearing make-up makes you feel better about yourself then do it . Do whatever you think makes you feel happy and better . If you don't like wearing make up then don't . If you're forced to wear make up just to please other people , ha ha ha trust me don't . Tell that person to accept you for who you are and if that person doesn't then wave them bye bye because they don't deserve you when you look the best if they can't accept you for the real you .
Accept yourself , with or without make up .

Imagine having people ( when i was 14 ) telling you that you're flat everyday . Well that's what I've been through and it was pure shit . I was always called fat , short , flat and ugly .  If you're short or flat , well you really can't do anything about it besides praying haha . Well if you're fat ( no offence ) then go on a diet maybe ? As in like don't eat junk food ( it really helps ) , eat more frequently but less portion ,  eat slowly , drink more water . Well exercising is a must if you don't want saggy skin ( ew ikr ) These two are the ones I do when I'm not lazy( once a month HAHA ) Exercise 1 and Exercise 2 .

Well things do get better ? I've gained some weight , my hair grew but it's just a part of life . Well for me , puberty did do me well because trust me , you wouldn't recognize me if you saw the old me . For the past 3 years , this how my body changed . I'm not saying that now my body is perfect because it's NOT close to being perfect . I'm just saying , if you can't change how your body looks like then be happy with how it is now because it's you :3 Yes , I complain about how fat i'm , how short i'm but who says I can't rant right ? But at the end of the day , I'm happy with my body because i'm healthy and I practically eat anything I want ( unhealthy )

In 4 years , this is how I've changed

I really hope this help and you will accept that life will have ups and downs . But what's life without those crap right ? You'll just have to be strong and deal with each every crap that might hit you ( there's no shortcuts in life )  .